04 April 2014

Limping Around

I am dry as the Mojave desert, I am totally blocked.  I obviously haven't written much of late but I just don't know what to write about.  Life has been a bit of a cliffhanger of late. There are so many things that race through my head and yet none of it seems suitable for the printed word. I feel like I've been in a perpetually bad mood for weeks now but it's only been a few days but even that is too long. It is like I'm waiting for the second shoe to drop but I don't know when the first one dropped or who dropped the shoe. Something big this way comes and it is freaking me out. Maybe I am imagining things but I still can't shake the feeling.  I really want to shake it off because I don't want this feeling to become a self-fulfilling prophecy kind of thing.

Perhaps it is the fact that Spring is here and the world is starting to wake up but it just doesn't feel right. Perhaps I am waking up too? The question being from what and to what but no answers forthcoming.  I think I am in a sort of limbo because my world is changing and things that I never considered have come into my periphery. We think of the world or at least our personal little world to be inviolate, not allowing the reality of others to color the things we do or think. However, recently I realized that my income, my health, and world in general are not inviolate. Work is actually good but truthfully in my line of work it is always on shaky ground. I could easily find a new job within my current department but I don't know that I would want to. I also hurt my foot while in San Francisco and my heel hurts sooo much! It is plantar fasciitis - according to me- but I'll verify with the doctor in a week or so. I have an appointment, my doctor is going to be mad with me because I gained soooooooooooo much weight. This is a follow-up and I was supposed to lose weight - I didn't. The world scenario is someone close to me had a health scare and nothing can make you open your eyes like a health scare! Yeah it is time to re-evaluate my life goals and make sure that I am where I want to be and if I have to vacate this place I want to be, where else would I like to be?

Things like my masters and starting a family have been on the backburner because I just didn't feel the necessity to change anything. I have been extremely comfortable but comfort seems to be a lying bastard! Anyway, it has just been weird. Right now I feel overwhelmed by all of this but I know that at the worst I am at my best. I guess it's just the fight response ingrained in me. Other than this I am currently obsessed with the Divergent trilogy. Who knew that one day I would return to reading fiction? YA fiction at that!

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