15 December 2015

Center of Universe Found!

I think that a lot of my lacklustre thoughts about this year have to do a lot with things that I stopped doing. 

  • I stopped writing in my journal.
  • I write poetry sometimes, I stopped. It was a great outlet, if dramatic.
  • I focused on the defects or imperfections and instead of appreciating them, I vilified them. 
  • I stopped writing blog posts, though more difficult to find ideas for posts recently I think it is because I do not have a direction for this blog. I need direction (understatement of the century).
  • I stopped sharing with my loved ones when I was feeling down, stiff upper lip and all that. I'm not British, I need to express myself.
  • I was extremely Me-centric. When we only have ourselves to focus on it really brings out your flaws. I envy parents, the focus they have on their children, it may be stressful at times but at least it takes the spotlight off of the I.
Perhaps this coming year needs to be less me-centric but something else. I still haven't figured the what else but I have time, I think. Let's see what I come up with this year. 

11 December 2015

Yearly Recap

Lets go through a recap of the year - it was amazingly unsatisfying. At least it feels like that, although I completed quite a few of my goals this year - for the most part. This year was a year of action and the action left me feeling as if I were falling short of an ideal that I set for myself. Goals, a double edged knife. Perhaps it was because in retrospect most of my goals were very shallow and lacked depth.

I'll go through each one.

  1. The first goal from last year was good for a few months and then I was less vigilant. I let my thoughts slide and that led me down a rather dark path. I'm not saying I did anything bad but overall my attitude did change. I became more sullen, tended to obsess on the negative and avoided activities that I usually really enjoy. I need to address this in 2016 because I think this could develop into something unpleasant and by that I mean depression. It's almost a cycle that I have every 3 years or so, looking over my blog and my journal I can see the pattern.
  2. I did not in fact practice the piano but I still want to, so I will attempt this again.
  3. The garden has actually moved along nicely, it will be an evolving thing though because I really enjoy gardening. Next year will include new plans for some of it but it was a good thing this year.
  4. I am still working on Duolingo and my Italian but I am not as fast as I want. I have improved and hopefully one day I get to go to Italy again and try it out! The French I did not try honestly because I want to focus on a language at a time.
  5. I did not eliminate the fast food but I'm trying, I will not lose hope!
  6. Relating to #1, this suffered. I had the lists, most of the material but no desire. Maybe next year.
  7. We all know this I accomplished! Most days I see it and still think WOW! Other days I hope I'm not refused at the pearly gates, the Christian upbringing judges me some. I'm still happy with it and I still love it but like I said I've been a little judgy of myself this year.
As you can see #1 really cast a shadow on the rest of the year. I feel a little down even now but I blame fall and winter; the no sun thing. We'll see how I plan 2016 out...