Renewed

These were
inexpensive and they
look really nice. 

Still chugging along and creating a nicer aesthetic around myself.

Still need to
add a frame
to that mirror.

Well as promised here is the final product - the bathroom! The shower stall walls are a basic kit that I got at Home Depot, the quality is OK and installation rather easy but it's not the prettiest. Then again at $75 it was a steal. If I had had the money I would have tiled the walls but maybe in a few years if I decide to stay in this house longer. The color is nice but I forget what it was called, all I know is that I got it at Ace Hardware from a color I chose at Lowes. The showerhead and faucet are a Moen piece that I got at Lowe's when they had a clearance event for about $25. The paint was a total of $35 but that doesn't include all expenses.

Wal-Mart cabinet my
sister no longer wanted.
Yay me :)

• Paint $35
• Shower Wall Kit $75
• Showerhead Kit $25
• Primer $20
• Compound $16
• Tape $2
• Paint Supplies (misc.) $20
• Shower Supplies (misc.) $40
• Lighting $20
• Towel Hooks $10
• Drywall $20
• Misc. Items $100
• Total:  $383

I love these hooks!
I found them
for $4 at Ross.

I guess final cost it was more likely more, including all the time I dedicated to this project. Things I learned, I don't mind the hard work and my father really wishes his daughters were more feminine. I don't think he completely dislikes our DIY abilities but I sometimes get the feeling he questions his choice of activities with young daughters back in the day. I think he's regretting not taking tea now, even if most of the time he just thinks it's cool we can do these type of projects. Although without his help that bathroom would have been a week long or 2-week long project for me alone. Likely more expensive too because I would have gone through quite a bit of trial and error.

Grateful in Texas

What an eventful year this has been, so many changes for good and bad. The last time I wrote something I had been thinking about myself mostly, focusing on my future and my needs. A lot of "my" and "I" thinking but not very much of anything else. Mind you I feel that we are all entitled to a little bit of that thinking from time to time but sometimes it is difficult to not let it take over. However, today I will not share anything related to politics, groups affected by recent politics, or anything that can lead to negative thoughts. I need a break from the world and its very confusing environment, I will concentrate instead on the positive!

Well, the best news I can possibly share is this:

I HAVE A JOB!!!!!!!!

Wait it gets better! I have a job doing something I actually wanted to do! I know, I told you it only got better. Yes, I am working as a Research Administrator and although it is a steep learning curve - I LOVE IT! It is not the most exciting or glamorous job in the world but it is a change that I wanted and needed in my life. You could call me a glorified paper pusher but after years of dealing with bio-hazardous waste (literally & metaphorically), I'm enjoying wearing something other than bleach-stained jeans. I'm sure that not everyone is nice and that I am bound to have some run-ins with a few "characters" but on the whole I am happy of having an 8-to-5 job. Believe me it is not a small thing to have this type of job because let me tell you that the life of laboratory people is hard work and long hours. The work can be rewarding but the sacrifice made in the lab is no small feat and for me it was no longer one I wanted to continue. I think as great as all of that is, the best is that it is no longer grant funded. You have no idea the stability and comfort I now feel and how absolutely grateful I am for those two things.

As of my last post I had promised a post on the finished product in my bathroom but honestly I feel quite superficial writing about a silly bathroom when so much has happened. I still need to take the pictures, maybe I'll do that tonight being as I have free evenings and I leave work early.

Honey Dew Cantaloupe

Over a month and nothing much to report here.  I am still unemployed and starting to freak out in a bad way because lets be honest I'm a control freak. I like to set goals and reach them asap, checking off items on lists is a high that is unequaled by anything else I know. And no I have never done any drugs that have not been prescribed to me, there really isn't any comparison. Thus not being able to check off "New Job" off my list is annoying to say the least. Control issues, we've discussed this before.

Otherwise life has been okay, moving along a little slow but very quickly, especially when you don't work. You never know what day it is! If it weren't for my phone I would never know if it was Monday or Saturday, never realized how tied my concept of time was to work. Although it has been nice to have vacation time, it is also nice to have that humdrum existence of 8 to 5. I am looking forward to returning to a more structured existence. The only thing that has kept me semi-sane has been my garden and the fruits of my labor can be seen to the right. It weighed in at a little over 30 lbs! It's not as sweet as I thought it would be but the heart is very sweet, as you move towards the rind its not that great. However there are about 5 more of that variety above and a different variety which I planted last year but have no idea what it is because it spontaneously popped up. Yeah I didn't collect it all last year and those that decomposed in the yard came back. I also have cantaloupe that came up the same way as my surprise watermelon. That was weird because it should have been orange on the inside but instead it was green but super sweet, like honey dew melon! Looks like regular cantaloupe but its honey dew on the inside. Still scratching my head on that one, although it feels like my life at the moment. I planted a life I thought I wanted, then ended up with something completely different and next thing I know I have to start the garden all over again. Life and real garden. If I find a job elsewhere I'm going to have to give up gardening probably or just focus on pots.

I think I will bid everyone adieu because if I keep on focusing on the similarities between my garden and my life I am going to have another quarterlife crisis. How do you break those down if you've had more than one? Hope everyone has a good week!

Feelin' Good

Well hello everyone! How is everyone out there? Me well I'm OK, sort of I guess. I am still unemployed but not unhappy or even completely freaked out. I am well, actually pretty happy. Is that strange? I know had started to freak out because I have officially been unemployed for 2 months but it hasn't been as bad as I thought it would be. Let me describe it a little.

#1 - I have enjoyed the time off, I have worked every month of the past 22 years of my life and this "break" has been a godsend. I really needed to just clear my head and truly find some peace, which I think I achieved for the most part. I'm still sort of freaking out but I've tried to not focus too much on that. Something that helped was that I had an interview 2 weeks ago and it seemed promising. It would be an amazing opportunity for me and has a lot more room for growth in the future, besides the great salary! The best part of it involves a lot of admin work but it is still in my field! I finished the interview and they did say it would take them 2 to 3 weeks to reach a decision and I'm assuming that's because they had others to interview. They may have gone in order of how the applications were received, if that was the case I may have been the first interviewee. I literally submitted my application the same day that job was posted. Yeah I was that excited.

~2 days old.

#2 - I now have a new nephew and let me tell you that those cute bundles are a great stress reliever, especially if you are not it's main source of nourishment. I feel for my sister, that is a difficult thing to do. He is a cutie pie and I love him to bits! I have not forgotten the oldest cutie pie either, I have actually made a greater effort to do things with him on a daily basis. This past weekend and most of this week I spent it helping out my sister and doing lots of babysitting. My mother had been here for the past month or so but she took a break too. I mean come on, a new baby plus a spoiled grandson? Abuelitas can only take so much. Yeah I got my fill of poopy diapers and hungry crying but I loved it too.

#3 - This is pretty important, at least I think so. I realized how sad and unhappy I was at my last job. Perhaps the situation wasn't the worst but I have to admit that it wasn't that okay either. Not even going to say close to best, because it only managed to make the OK list. It was partly the situation and partly the work itself. I think that's why #1 is still alright with me. I was decent at my work but honestly when it came down to it I just didn't see myself pipetting bacteria for the rest of my life. Not just that but I didn't have the desire or drive to continue that work. Some people are happy doing that day-in and day-out but not this Mexican. I needed something that I'm good at and that at the end of the day it ends. Yup, I really want an 8 to 5 scenario, never thought I would say that but there you go :)

Oh yeah and the garden is well, although I've stopped instagraming my photos because they were bad luck! Every single watermelon that I took a picture of or other plant for that matter - DIED!!!!! Yeah I stopped doing that and I now have 2 surviving cantaloupe plants, plus 3 large watermelons that will be ready in a few days. I hope. The front yard needs to be harvested for flower seeds and the grass is good. My "new" bathroom is also almost ready :) Oh yeah I redid the guest bath 2 weeks ago with my Dad! Pictures coming eventually.

Have a good weekend everyone!

Grateful Friday

Well hello there everyone, as news goes there's not much to share, I am still working on my yard -front and back - and still looking for work. Life has moved on and I am definitely in a better place emotionally. I am still visiting my therapist and it's been helpful because I had a few bumps when I left the lab. Lets just say that letting go of the negative has never been my strong suit and she's really helped me. I know I haven't done a Grateful Friday in a while but honestly it's not for lack of gratefulness, more like I have just been busy and happy. There have been some freak out days and sad days but for the most part I've been positive.

Yesterday was a sad day because I of course lamented my situation and everything that has been going on. I was not very positive and all I could do was think what am I going to do? I am going to starve, lose my house, and end up a vagabond. Then I reminded myself, a) you are to OCD to be a vagabond, b) you have money to survive for 3 months comfortably, c) your family would help if need be, finally d) you will find a job and you will succeed. Of course that didn't come until the end of the day but I made it through and I guess once in a while taking a mental health day is needed, even if you aren't working at the tim. Yeah I've never been good at the positive stuff, my mind has always been a worst scenario kind of person and that's a habit that isn't easy to give up.

Gratefully this Friday here is my list:

Wildflower garden.

• I am grateful for enough strength to be able to do the work I have been doing for my home and family.
• The days are longer and sweeter of late, I am definitely a helionist.
• Very grateful for the little one that will arrive next week! Not me, my sister I would have shared a sonogram if it were me.
• I am very grateful that I am out of the toxic environment I was in previously.
• I am hopeful for the future, although this is not "gratefulness" per se, it is something to be happy for because hopeful was not a word I would have used to describe myself 2 months ago.
• I am grateful for the friends that have stood by me and their support.
• For the people that I know that are helpful and kind towards me.
• Even for those that have not been kind to me or helpful because through it all they taught me valuable lessons.
• Extremely grateful that this month has been so kind because I needed it.

Well what else is there to say? Nothing much more for this week but only that I hope that all are well and that everyone has a great weekend!

Grateful Friday

I am on my 3rd day of unemployment and it has been kind of nice but soon enough full on panic mode will set in and I will take the first job offered to me. Actually I came a micron away from having a job last week and it was uplifting because I hadn't even applied there. They ended up hiring someone with a masters degree because it killed 2 birds with one stone but I honestly think I was the frontrunner for that position. It would have been an inconvenience to actually take that job but I admit that I was a little excited about it even if I would have had to move. Fresh air and new people would have been nice but I guess things tend to work out for the best and who knows perhaps there are better things around the bend.

My initial plans were to spend my days working in the garden but I have to admit that I have not stuck to all of my goals. The first day all I did was relax and wallow a little in self-pity but that is also the day I found out I didn't get the above position - oh yeah it was for chemistry teacher at a HS 90 minutes away from where I live. It also rained cats and dogs that day and the next so gardening has been out of the question. I also had a therapy session that day and that helped me move past the self-pity session. Second day I actually went through my house with my sister and got together a bunch of stuff to sell at a garage sale on Saturday, it was nice to slough off excess even if I don't actually have tons of excess stuff. Either way it was good to get rid of stuff associated to things that were negative or what-if's. Today I have spent most of the day doing chores around the house, I also have some books so I can study some for my certification and then some time with my sister to be able to organize the garage sale for tomorrow. Although by previous standards - that burn me out - I am not as productive, I still feel quite productive. 

So what am I grateful for this week?

• I'm so grateful that I've let go of what I thought my life should be and am embarking on the possibilities it could be.
• Especially grateful for my family and all their support.
• Thankful for my friend Isa who has been a rock, I only hope I can be of help to her too.
• Very grateful to my therapist who has been a great cheerleader when I have most needed it.
• Grateful to find my center again and realize that 18 yo me had a pretty clear idea of who she was and I let others and time almost convince me that was too childish.
• Glad that music is the salve that is readily available for my soul. I have to admit just listening to some good music helps me immensely. Probably why I got so mad at that one co-worker who insisted on no music in the lab, I need it to focus and for relaxation.

OK that last one was little philosophical and sarcastic me is rolling her eyes right now but it's true.

 Well I hope everyone has had a great week and you have a great weekend :)

Belated Grateful Friday!

Well I have just not been good about doing these posts but I do enjoy doing the grateful list.

• I cleaned part of the front yard! A very small portion of the yard is now weed free and has basil seeds that will hopefully come up soon.
• I attended a job fair on Friday and I got my name out there.
• A company contacted me for a preliminary interview, a little nervous about that.
• My whole family was in town to celebrate my nephew's birthday and that was fun.
• I woke up everyday last week feeling good about myself.

I feel like I've made progress and that things seem to be looking up but I'm not going to call it a success just yet because it seems that my life is more down than up some weeks or months or years. The therapy continues and I am really trying hard to follow my therapist's advice but some days are easier than others. Last week had a couple of bitter pills but overall I managed things well. At least I think I did. We'll see how everything progresses but I have hope and I have a semi-plan. After all, the best laid plans of mice and (wo)men often go awry. Hopefully I will have some news concerning work soon!

Hope everyone had a great week and weekend!

Lately

Lately I have been feeling very hurt and angry and I have tried letting go of the feelings by saying that it was partly my fault. I have tried to find my fault in all of this . What I found was that I have spent a long time trying to please many people and little to please myself. Now this may sound trivial or repetitive but what can I say I can be thick at times. I always talk about things I would like to do and how I WILL do them but in the end I spend my time pleasing others. I want to travel yet I chose to stay in a job that I secretly and sometimes publicly hate. I say I want nicer people in my life but I continue to indiscriminately allow everyone into my life and then wonder why I get bit in the ass.

Yes, others have contributed to my overall unhappiness but I have helped them along the way. Wanting to fulfill other's expectations first allowed them to expect too much from me. What have I done about this? Well, I have now limited access to my life for some people but the main thing is I began therapy. It's not easy to say or to even describe but it's helped. It's only been 2 sessions but having an "objective" view of my situation has helped a lot. I don't think I'll be put on happy pills but I have to say that if I had remained where I was, I may have needed some of that happy. Therapy will hopefully give me some tools to handle future downturns in life and help me achieve some clarity in what path I should take. At least it will give me a safe place to vent and understand why I do some of the things I do.

I actually thought about this post for a long time before publishing. I have re-written, deleted, added, deleted again, so many times that it no longer resembles what I started writing. Honestly the first draft was a lot of anger and calling out some people. I decided I didn't need to call out anyone, no matter what they said to me or did. Let me tell you that there's been a few negative nancy's lately but I have done a decent job of moving past the issues. I am feeling better definitely but I think the thing that helped the most was the decision I took about my job. It was very freeing. After all is said and done, the fear of not finding a job is easier to deal with than the stress of my work. This had even interfered with my grateful list. I'll be back to this soon but I had also been kind of busy.

Well hope everyone had a great weekend!

Grateful Friday

How was this week? Bad and good. The week started off badly but it ended on a slightly positive note – I guess. Partially bad because I saw some true colors (mine and others) but also good because I have made a decision that is going to impact me dramatically in a positive manner.  First lets go through the grateful list and then I’ll explain all the coming changes.

•  I woke up every day this week. Always good. 
• I had a day off during the week.
•  There is more sun in the evenings and I get to do stuff outside now! I missed the sun! I usually get out of work late, no matter what the entry time is, which means during daylight savings time I leave when it’s already dark or the sun is setting.
• I have great friends and an amazing sister. I really needed their support this week and they truly came through for me.
• I had surprise blue bonnets this week in my garden! I was surprised because nothing bloomed last year from any of the lupine seeds I planted but apparently they only bloom when they want to, at least in my case.
• I put away a good amount of money for a rainy day (not a whole lot but to me a lot).
• I got to play soccer and basketball with my nephew almost every day this week in the afternoons. That was fun and he seemed to enjoy the time together.
• I cleaned out my closet of clothing that does not fit and is outdated, a little hard to do but necessary.

Okay now for the big changes! Well, I am leaving science – I hope. I have spoken with my boss and we decided that this is not for me; I think he knew before I did but I’m glad he allowed me to give notice instead. Mind you when I left the last lab and moved to this one I was really unhappy at the time. When I started in this lab the people made it such a nice place to work that I pulled the wool over my eyes. Although I love to learn new things, I made the same mistake I had made before – I worked weekends and late nights and burnt myself out; at the same time setting ridiculous expectations for my employer of what my schedule would be. This is not the schedule I wanted or want, especially as my family is now closer. I want time to volunteer and not feel like I am failing at work for leaving at 18:30. I want to go home and cook a dinner and eat it before 22:00 or at least have dinner with my sister. I want to wake up during the weekend and not think about having to go to the lab.

I don’t have another job lined up but I have almost 2 months to find one before the cash flow stops. I did have an interview this week but they decided to go in a different direction. I literally went through the whole process – 1 phone interview, 1 online testing, and a final interview. The next day they emailed me, saying no thanks which was surprising because they had discussed salary, training, benefits, and scheduling at the end of the interview. I have no idea what went wrong or why they said no but I was really bummed afterwards. This is where the friends and family stepped in and helped out a lot!

Obviously I am still looking and hopefully I find something soon, my end date here is May 31^st and I have a small nest egg in vacation time. The company pays out unused vacation time and I have about 2 months’ worth of vacation time just sitting there; that can float me for a bit if I don’t find work in the interim. I gave my notice with the understanding that if I do find work prior to the end date then I leave before then and I really hope that I find work before then.  Otherwise I will be at work and finish up some projects before I leave.

I am scared and excited, I am also freaking out some but I have faith I will find something soon. Somewhere I can grow both in position and salary because this altruistic science thing does not pay the bills comfortably.

I hope everyone has a great weekend!

Grateful Friday

This week being grateful is going to be very difficult. There were a lot of things that didn't work out for me and a deadline I did not meet. The latter has thrown a shadow over all of the week. I know I shouldn't define myself by my work because it's just a job, it is not all of me but it is very difficult to see myself or circumstances in any type of positive light. However, the point of being nicer to myself and these posts is to find the positive in my life and myself, so here goes.

• I have woken up every single morning this week, albeit with the help of an alarm but it counts.
• I took a positive step on Tuesday towards better mental and emotional well-being. I'm not quite ready to disclose details yet but it actually made the rest of the week much more bearable.
• I have written some kick-ass cover letters this week. Details to come.
• I have not killed any plants despite my lack of attention this week. 
• I had lunch with my bestie and have weekend plans with her.
• I let go of an issue that was bothering me, it was a nasty email and I let it go. 
• I watched a cool movie - "Man Up" a british comedy.
• Finally had some good results at work, even if the deadline was missed.

Outside of work I didn't have a whole lot of interactions with other people. My bestie works on a different floor now and I don't get to see her as often, just at lunch and not always. Currently my only human interactions involve co-workers, my sister is out of town so I'm on my own. Although my co-workers are nice, but they're co-workers. We do the friend thing outside of work but I think all of us sometimes just don't want to see each others faces. 

As for the deadline, I am disappointed in myself but there's nothing I can do now except keep on working and improve my situation. I tend to be very hard on myself and this has really brought me down. I hope I can move on from this funk soon.

Well there you have it, my list on the positive. If you think it's sparse it might be because I have been working extra hours, not a lot of other stuff going on at the moment. Hopefully, next week will be better.

Hope everyone has a great weekend.

Budget Dreams

I haven't thought about this in a long time and I have to say that my ideal has definitely changed over time. In my teens the ultimate goal was to travel to Europe and see the great classics, which I did for the most part. Mind you I worked 2 jobs, went to school full-time, and commuted for 2 hours everyday to go to school/work to be able to afford this trip. This was definitely something my family could NOT pay for at the time or even now for that matter. I worked my ass off for that trip and I have great memories from that trip. I don't think I had a typical experience as far as college students are concerned but it was my own.

I have walked the streets of Paris and sat beneath the Eiffel Tower during a night filled with fireworks. The only thing missing that night was a beautiful male model feeding me chocolate covered strawberries and champagne. I walked the paths of the Druids at Stonehenge and climbed the Alps in Switzerland. In Greece, I had plates broken over my head and walked the ruins of Athens. I can't complain. I've seen a lot in my life, all of this before I was 25 years old. Now I've even had the opportunity to travel to South America, perhaps not as many countries as Europe but I will not complain. Yes I know it was during winter and it was for work but it was still cool.

Now however, my budget is much more limited than it was in my teens and 20's. I have a house to pay, utility bills, chores, and adult-like responsibilities. Student loan debt is no joke and no matter how much Elizabeth Warren hits at banks and the Fed about student loans, I don't think that interest rates will ease up on students or their families. Budget woes in mind, I think my ideal vacation would be spending it with my family somewhere in the US. My father's dream is to drive up to Yellowstone Park and camp out. I am not a camper, I like beds above the ground away from spiders and I adore indoor bathrooms with plumbing. However, I would actually love to do this trip with my family. I've always wanted to visit that part of the US and although it may not be the glamorous streets of Rome or Paris, I have no doubt that it would be beautiful. At the ripe old age of 37, a road trip with my family (parents, sisters, nephews, and in-laws) is the dream vacation nowadays.


Where would you go on your dream vacation?

TGIF

I think that from now on Friday will be a day of gratitude, I don't think I could do it on Monday. A recap of the good will help start the weekend off well I think. Last year was a focus on a lot of bad things but this year I really want that to change. Especially after this week, I have been sick again and it is no bueno.

• I'm getting better, this is a very good thing. I can breathe again!
• I have woken up every day this week. That's a plus.
• I figured out why my crochet circle looked so weird and I learned something about crochet in the process.
• I found out what the new addition to my sister's family is going to be, can't tell because her husband doesn't know yet. 
• My guest is leaving next week, although he is a nice & fun person, it will be nice to be able to walk out in my undies again. Not that I do that.
• The weather is warming up and that helps me feel a little better every day.

Otherwise I haven't been doing much of late, except be sick. I felt slightly congested last week on Friday. Then over the weekend it just became progressively worse and so I went home sick on Monday, eventually to the doctor and turns out I have bronchitis. Yup. Well, lets not be dramatic, a slight bronchitis according to the NP (nurse practitioner) but now I have been given a treatment and an inhaler. Hopefully I will mend soon and believe me I will be taking supplements and lots of vitamin C from now on! I do not plan on spending Christmas sick again or any more days in what's left of 2016 in bed with a cold/flu.

Not a lot of "big" ticket items this week but hey. I guess not everyday can be a day in the life of Indiana Jones right?

Hope everyone has a good weekend!

Coffee and Thoughts

Well I'm still working on me and working at work and things seem to be better of late. At least I feel less stressed. I have also been better about going to bed at a decent hour, that's really helped with my energy levels. Coffee has gone back to the acquired taste that it is, instead of being the only reason my eyes were open.  Now I'm not saying my life is perfect, just better. Especially because I've been working on the whole letting go of things and not obsessing on that which is not in my control.  Life has a way of making you learn that lesson whether you want to or not, it's taking me way too long. I feel confident that I am making headway in my approach to mindfulness.

Relative to this I recently read an article that sort of fit into my look into my past for this year. It discussed the fact that only living in the moment negates who we were or could be because we look neither forward nor backward.  The present is great but it could never be what it is without our past, I like the idea. You can find the article here.

As for the present and the future, this is what I need to do! I still want to learn how to play the piano and I think learning how to read music would be the first step.

Well I hope everyone had a nice weekend!

How to Read Music
A 5-minute starter course on reading music:
Posted by TED-Ed on Saturday, January 30, 2016

Center of Universe Found!

I think that a lot of my lacklustre thoughts about this year have to do a lot with things that I stopped doing. 

• I stopped writing in my journal.
• I write poetry sometimes, I stopped. It was a great outlet, if dramatic.
• I focused on the defects or imperfections and instead of appreciating them, I vilified them. 
• I stopped writing blog posts, though more difficult to find ideas for posts recently I think it is because I do not have a direction for this blog. I need direction (understatement of the century).
• I stopped sharing with my loved ones when I was feeling down, stiff upper lip and all that. I'm not British, I need to express myself.
• I was extremely Me-centric. When we only have ourselves to focus on it really brings out your flaws. I envy parents, the focus they have on their children, it may be stressful at times but at least it takes the spotlight off of the I.

Perhaps this coming year needs to be less me-centric but something else. I still haven't figured the what else but I have time, I think. Let's see what I come up with this year. 

Yearly Recap

Lets go through a recap of the year - it was amazingly unsatisfying. At least it feels like that, although I completed quite a few of my goals this year - for the most part. This year was a year of action and the action left me feeling as if I were falling short of an ideal that I set for myself. Goals, a double edged knife. Perhaps it was because in retrospect most of my goals were very shallow and lacked depth.

I'll go through each one.

1. The first goal from last year was good for a few months and then I was less vigilant. I let my thoughts slide and that led me down a rather dark path. I'm not saying I did anything bad but overall my attitude did change. I became more sullen, tended to obsess on the negative and avoided activities that I usually really enjoy. I need to address this in 2016 because I think this could develop into something unpleasant and by that I mean depression. It's almost a cycle that I have every 3 years or so, looking over my blog and my journal I can see the pattern.
2. I did not in fact practice the piano but I still want to, so I will attempt this again.
3. The garden has actually moved along nicely, it will be an evolving thing though because I really enjoy gardening. Next year will include new plans for some of it but it was a good thing this year.
4. I am still working on Duolingo and my Italian but I am not as fast as I want. I have improved and hopefully one day I get to go to Italy again and try it out! The French I did not try honestly because I want to focus on a language at a time.
5. I did not eliminate the fast food but I'm trying, I will not lose hope!
6. Relating to #1, this suffered. I had the lists, most of the material but no desire. Maybe next year.
7. We all know this I accomplished! Most days I see it and still think WOW! Other days I hope I'm not refused at the pearly gates, the Christian upbringing judges me some. I'm still happy with it and I still love it but like I said I've been a little judgy of myself this year.

As you can see #1 really cast a shadow on the rest of the year. I feel a little down even now but I blame fall and winter; the no sun thing. We'll see how I plan 2016 out...

November Blooms

Gardening has become a bit of an obsession for me of late. Obviously as many of my posts this year have involved my garden. My kryptonite? Clearance plants at Lowe's and Home Depot. Yes you read that right - clearance plants. They are awesome! If you don't mind waiting a little bit later in the season those are the best buys. You can't always find great selections but sometimes you hit the jackpot with those plants. Recently I bought 3 plants for a dollar each, $3 for large perennials! Earlier in the summer I bought some portulaca (aka Amor) for $0.65, yeah. That one is absolutely beautiful too. Everytime I go I have to look at their clearance section. Have. To. Yeah I have become obsessed.
Obsession seems to be a repeating theme for me, from knitting to gardening to partying to building. I feel I fall into an obsessive activity easily, mind you obsessive not addictive. The only addiction I had recently was Candy Crush and I have given that up! It was hard the first 2 weeks but it that too has passed.

Of course, gardening is just one more thing to fill up the days with and to the point of this post - I want to change the course of my goal making. I want to be able to make deeper commitments to life and myself. These past few years (or decade) my goals have been short-term and a bit shallow. I know it's only November but seriously 2016 is only 2 months away. I think this year I'm giving this whole goal thing a thorough analysis and be careful of what direction I need. Any suggestions?


And yes my garden is still blooming in November. I have new flowers almost every day!

Setting Summer Sun

OK a dry well here of late but I'm back!

Actually I've had quite an exciting month or little more. At the end of August I won tickets to an ACLTV concert for one of the guys from the Eagles and then about 2 weeks ago I won tickets again to Alabama Shakes! Yeah I know right?! Well I didn't go to the first concert because my concert buddy was out of town and part of the reason I actually go to the concerts is so I get to visit her and her family. Mind you in my 20's I would have probably just gone on my own but age has made me realize that the Eiffel Tower is prettier with a friend. Yup good times :) I also got to meet her son for the first time and he is adorable! The sweetest smile you have ever seen and quite the charmer. It was a really good weekend but that was almost 3 weeks ago!

Since then it's been work, work, work, and sister, sister, sister. Yes I may have a case of sisteritis, spending all of my free time at her house because now my sister lives less than 5 minutes away. I could walk to her house - could, not will. However, I can't even complain about work because it has really been good lately, lots of good results and progress. I haven't had much time to be introspective or look for issues to solve in the personal realm. Obviously I have no dating life and Match.com was a complete bust, so I say with complete confidence romantic relationships are now off the table. Obviously it's not going to happen thus I will employ my time and mind in the pursuit of something equally entertaining. I will let you know when I figure that part out myself. Maybe I'll be better at blogging if I stop thinking about romance? Maybe.

Well other than that life has been hectic with work, family moving closer, friends, and obviously random ticket wins like the past month! Life has been good, over all a good way to close down the summer.  I hope everyone has had a good time of late. A bit of the Alabama Shakes for your enjoyment, who knows you might like their music :)

Buff & Fluff

My makeup application ability

Girly girls!!! I am not one of them. I have recently become interested in makeup and its application but I don't think I could do it. It is crazy complicated. I mean seriously there is way too much work that goes into putting on makeup and doing a "full" face. I don't think I can master this one skill, I really should have started in my teens if I wanted this particular skill. The extent of my skills is slathering on some tinted moisturizer, try blush (followed by trying to rub it off), and some eyeshadow with eyeliner. That alone sounds complicated. Oh and I can do mascara, when I remember - I didn't remember today.

It is also expensive. Extremely. Expensive. Seriously. Mind you most of the people that do tutorials online have products provided when they endorse that product or are given free samples for them to highlight. Of course that can always backfire because they can get a negative review for their product. I am not too envious because quite honestly I do not have the time to dedicate to makeup that these ladies do but I would love to know how to apply makeup for certain occasions. In the coming days I might put up some pics because I'm trying a little harder in the mornings. I put in a video that shows a now mirror challenge and it is fun because she looks way better than I do when I use several mirrors. You don't have to watch it all you can just skip to the end, I did. Mind you this young lady has beautiful young (emphasis on young) skin, now if I could just find an older woman who has my laugh lines to show me how to apply makeup to my no longer as young skin :)

Just a bit of fluff today but hope everyone has a good week!

Old Stones

What kind of person do you think you are? Are you kind? Understanding? Empathetic? Negative? Positive? Dramatic? Plain-Jane?

Today I had a situation that I could have handled better, instead I let my quick temper get the better of me. I should know better by now but I guess like everyone we let it slip once in awhile. When someone asks you to quit doing something it's annoying, to say the least. It calls to attention a behaviour you thought was appropriate but is bothersome to another, that implies you are bothersome to that person. When in reality they may have a headache, your behaviour reminds them of something negative, or they simply cannot deal with it because they are busy and focused. However, when does it become your duty to bend to another's will or is it a compromise? Are you the one giving something up for the selfish pleasure of another or are you really just maintaining a cordial environment with the other person? Obviously being in close quarters with anyone makes it an excellent opportunity to create problems or lose it over something stupid. Today I reacted and caused a problem that didn't exist, and I'm sure the other person didn't even realize that is how I felt. Why? Simply put it really wasn't a big deal but some life experiences have made me doubt myself and my ability to have cordial relationships. Simple things to remember (that I seem to forget, blame the age):

1. Other people have opinions that you may not agree with, deal with it.
2. Close quarters are not bad, but you do need to be conscious that you are not the center of the universe (that bit is for me). Act like someone SHARING space, not someone controlling that space.
3. Understand that what works for you does not necessarily work for others. If you need to click pens to concentrate/think, it does not mean your neighbor does. That's an example, no one does that in my workplace, however applicable to any situation.
4. It also means that you have the right to speak up when someone else is creating an environment that is disruptive to you. 
5. Learn to let it go because at the end of the day the only person who obsessed for those 15 minutes about the gall of your friend/neighbor was you, because they sure as hell did not.
6. Your past is not an issue for others, only for you. Do not expect for others to treat you like those in your past. Do learn how to recognize the negative of the past in your present and learn to not let it hurt you like in the past. Move forward.

There's a saying in Spanish, "No te trompiezes con la misma piedra." Translation: Don't trip over the same stone twice. Today a simple request from a friend, called to mind the demands of a very nasty person from my past and I reacted as if I was talking to that person. The past is the past, we should learn, not repeat. Today I was the negative person but I swear that I try really hard on a daily basis to be positive, some days it just comes easier than other days. Lately though I've been letting the negativity get to me more than I should. Man this whole life thing is a lot of work, if I didn't enjoy breathing so much I would totally quit.

Adventures on a New Continent

Oh my gosh! I am so sorry for not posting before but it has been an incredibly busy summer for me.

This was soooo goooooood!

1. I took a 2 week vacation - more like staycation - because I had to not because I wanted to; had no money to go anywhere. I forced myself to not be productive. 
2. The trip to Chile was finally confirmed - right before my vacation. I returned to work for a week and then left the country. I am currently in Chile! It´s cold.
3. Right now I am working in a lab that is very different but very cool! It´s been interesting. The culture here is very European but they might disagree. It does have its own flavor and is very relaxed. The food is very different from what I´m used to but good. Sandwiches are a staple but very different, they use a lot of avocado (palta here). They don´t use a lot of lettuce and vegetables are limited but I was informed that due to drought most vegetables/legumes are very expensive. Thus limited. 

I think they were cold.

It is so strange to be writing this from Valparaiso but so much fun! The people have been so nice and welcoming. The only thing is that it´s cold, I´ve been invited back but told it will be in summer next time. Thank God! The city is very different and what is acceptable is so strange to me. For example there is graffiti everywhere! I mean everywhere. It´s not gang related and is more artistic in nature but it´s weird to see houses full of random drawings, words, etc. The take away from Valparaiso so far is that it´s an old city fighting to maintain an antiquated vision but moving forward quickly; perhaps too quickly. People here are very intense too, right now they are having lots of demonstrations/protests by students and labor protests. 

Art?

Oh yeah, I have completed another one of my goals! I now have ink! I actually did it in April but it is in a private area, nothing dirty just not something you would see out in public. Mainly because I don´t wear midriff bearing clothing. Scandlous! Yeah this has been a strange summer and year.  When I return I will post more about this trip!

Have a good week!