Grateful Friday

This week being grateful is going to be very difficult. There were a lot of things that didn't work out for me and a deadline I did not meet. The latter has thrown a shadow over all of the week. I know I shouldn't define myself by my work because it's just a job, it is not all of me but it is very difficult to see myself or circumstances in any type of positive light. However, the point of being nicer to myself and these posts is to find the positive in my life and myself, so here goes.

• I have woken up every single morning this week, albeit with the help of an alarm but it counts.
• I took a positive step on Tuesday towards better mental and emotional well-being. I'm not quite ready to disclose details yet but it actually made the rest of the week much more bearable.
• I have written some kick-ass cover letters this week. Details to come.
• I have not killed any plants despite my lack of attention this week. 
• I had lunch with my bestie and have weekend plans with her.
• I let go of an issue that was bothering me, it was a nasty email and I let it go. 
• I watched a cool movie - "Man Up" a british comedy.
• Finally had some good results at work, even if the deadline was missed.

Outside of work I didn't have a whole lot of interactions with other people. My bestie works on a different floor now and I don't get to see her as often, just at lunch and not always. Currently my only human interactions involve co-workers, my sister is out of town so I'm on my own. Although my co-workers are nice, but they're co-workers. We do the friend thing outside of work but I think all of us sometimes just don't want to see each others faces. 

As for the deadline, I am disappointed in myself but there's nothing I can do now except keep on working and improve my situation. I tend to be very hard on myself and this has really brought me down. I hope I can move on from this funk soon.

Well there you have it, my list on the positive. If you think it's sparse it might be because I have been working extra hours, not a lot of other stuff going on at the moment. Hopefully, next week will be better.

Hope everyone has a great weekend.

Grateful Friday (Belatedly)

It is not next week yet and as I want at least one post on gratefulness per week, here's mine for this week.

• Despite my lack of control over how other people drive, I am still alive. I was almost hit the other day because a vehicle just decided to change lanes. I have since decided to be a little more defensive when driving.
• I have recovered from my everlasting cold! I was eventually diagnosed with a mild case of bronchitis but I am all better now. Cough is gone and so is the congestion!
• I had a great birthday dinner with my sister and an excellent lunch with my friends. This one is a little late but it was a nice day. My nephew went to school that day and told his teacher that it was a very special day. When asked he answered, "Because it's my tia's birthday!", a duh moment in his opinion, that made my day.
• My sleep quality has improved, although I could be better about going to bed earlier.
• I have really great friends in my life, even if I don't always acknowledge how amazing they are. 

This week posed a challenge in finding the positive things because it was tough. I'm not even sure if I believe everything I've written today. Life goes on and changes need to be made and the above is one small step in that direction. I'm not giving up because I know that better times are ahead.

Budget Dreams

I haven't thought about this in a long time and I have to say that my ideal has definitely changed over time. In my teens the ultimate goal was to travel to Europe and see the great classics, which I did for the most part. Mind you I worked 2 jobs, went to school full-time, and commuted for 2 hours everyday to go to school/work to be able to afford this trip. This was definitely something my family could NOT pay for at the time or even now for that matter. I worked my ass off for that trip and I have great memories from that trip. I don't think I had a typical experience as far as college students are concerned but it was my own.

I have walked the streets of Paris and sat beneath the Eiffel Tower during a night filled with fireworks. The only thing missing that night was a beautiful male model feeding me chocolate covered strawberries and champagne. I walked the paths of the Druids at Stonehenge and climbed the Alps in Switzerland. In Greece, I had plates broken over my head and walked the ruins of Athens. I can't complain. I've seen a lot in my life, all of this before I was 25 years old. Now I've even had the opportunity to travel to South America, perhaps not as many countries as Europe but I will not complain. Yes I know it was during winter and it was for work but it was still cool.

Now however, my budget is much more limited than it was in my teens and 20's. I have a house to pay, utility bills, chores, and adult-like responsibilities. Student loan debt is no joke and no matter how much Elizabeth Warren hits at banks and the Fed about student loans, I don't think that interest rates will ease up on students or their families. Budget woes in mind, I think my ideal vacation would be spending it with my family somewhere in the US. My father's dream is to drive up to Yellowstone Park and camp out. I am not a camper, I like beds above the ground away from spiders and I adore indoor bathrooms with plumbing. However, I would actually love to do this trip with my family. I've always wanted to visit that part of the US and although it may not be the glamorous streets of Rome or Paris, I have no doubt that it would be beautiful. At the ripe old age of 37, a road trip with my family (parents, sisters, nephews, and in-laws) is the dream vacation nowadays.


Where would you go on your dream vacation?

Happy Belated Birthday to Dr. Seuss!

Can I re-do year 35? Please? OK, not 35 let's go all the way back to 25. Seriously!

There's a scene in the movie "Thirteen going on Thirty" that I like and dislike. Jen Garner's character asks her mother if she would go back in time and change any of the bad decisions she's made. Her mother's answer is, no because then she wouldn't be the person she is today, all her mistakes helped create the good in her life. I like the answer because it is true, without the mistakes or the good decisions we make we can't be who we are. What I don't like is that I don't feel I like who I've become or who I feel I've been pushed into being by my mistakes.

This is petty. Even I know that because while there is breath we can work towards being a better person. A better person not by the standards of others but by the standards we set for ourselves. Whether we follow a religious standard or just a personal moral view of the world, we can always make changes in ourselves and our lives. What I dislike about this idea is that I have to work my  ass off to accomplish this change. Petty I know.

Well although this post is a little late, I have actually been working on it the whole past week. This year #37 needs to be about working on myself and building the person that I actually like. I don't care if anyone else likes it, but I need to change me to someone I like. I'm known as a funny person, always willing to help, always an ear to listen to your problems. This year I need to find some ears to listen to me, this year I need to stop smiling when what I really want to do is scream, this year I need to not concentrate on the physical me but on the emotional me.

TGIF

I think that from now on Friday will be a day of gratitude, I don't think I could do it on Monday. A recap of the good will help start the weekend off well I think. Last year was a focus on a lot of bad things but this year I really want that to change. Especially after this week, I have been sick again and it is no bueno.

• I'm getting better, this is a very good thing. I can breathe again!
• I have woken up every day this week. That's a plus.
• I figured out why my crochet circle looked so weird and I learned something about crochet in the process.
• I found out what the new addition to my sister's family is going to be, can't tell because her husband doesn't know yet. 
• My guest is leaving next week, although he is a nice & fun person, it will be nice to be able to walk out in my undies again. Not that I do that.
• The weather is warming up and that helps me feel a little better every day.

Otherwise I haven't been doing much of late, except be sick. I felt slightly congested last week on Friday. Then over the weekend it just became progressively worse and so I went home sick on Monday, eventually to the doctor and turns out I have bronchitis. Yup. Well, lets not be dramatic, a slight bronchitis according to the NP (nurse practitioner) but now I have been given a treatment and an inhaler. Hopefully I will mend soon and believe me I will be taking supplements and lots of vitamin C from now on! I do not plan on spending Christmas sick again or any more days in what's left of 2016 in bed with a cold/flu.

Not a lot of "big" ticket items this week but hey. I guess not everyday can be a day in the life of Indiana Jones right?

Hope everyone has a good weekend!

Twice Bitten But Not Shy

The summer bug has bitten me already! I actaully spent time this weekend picking out seeds I want to plant and now I have to cut some of the players from last year. Oops. Will someone please keep me away from the gardening section. In my 20's it was shoes, in my 30's it's plants. If it weren't for the fact that spilling acid on my legs and feet were an issue, it would probably still be shoes. However, the new obsession du jour is gardening. It can be a little frustrating at first but seeing the first bloom is so satisfying or harvesting that first cantaloupe just delicious. Yeah I've been bitten.

This year I'm going to plant my pomegranate and it should do well in this zone. I also plan on planting the Pride of Barbados that I stole found seeds for in Carlsbad. This particular plant is beautiful and this one will be highlighted in the front yard! As for the front yard I'm keeping it simple this year with some wild flowers that I collected last year and this lovely specimen.

Well I hope everyone is having a good week so far :)