Debauchery and Such

Well I'm still swimming along, I have been trying to as often as possible but I haven't been everyday. I am now kicking well but I still need something to hold on to while in the water. Still can't float on my back without human assistance, I can float face down without human assistance. Floaty thingies do not count as human assistance, which I still need to float face down. My kicking has definitely improved, it's harder than I thought it would be. Yesterday I was pretty excited that my kicking had improved but I have to say I'm still disappointed that I can't float without assistance. I know things don't happen overnight but I'm still not happy. I have few virtues, patience is not one of them. So, I have control issues and no patience. Yeah.

Eating a dozen of these is the extent of my debauchery.

On a lighter note, has anyone watched Once Upon A Time this season? I feel let down. I think they jumped on the Frozen bandwagon way too fast. There were so many storylines they could have focused on, instead they brought Frozen into the mix. Meh. Hopefully the season improves. Other than this work and gym have been my life. I've been a little bored lately. Hmmm. I need some hijinks or debauchery, or both. Which would be the most fun? Not that I participate in debauchery often or I think ever, but there's always a first time for everything :)


Well I'm off, have a fun weekend everyone!

Doggie Paddling Along

As in my last post I mentioned the weather let me tell you it's way too cold for my liking right now. The rest of the country is used to these temperatures but Texas is not. Well goodbye Summer, hey Fall. Since it's been cold, I've decided to take swim lessons because no better time to learn to swim than during low temperatures and windy days. Let me tell you about my adventures in the water or as I like to call them "near death experiences".

I know, I am a 35 year old woman who cannot swim or float. Well the latter has improved, I can now float. Everyone says the same thing to me, floating is so easy. No. It. Is. Not. At least not for a control freak such as myself. Now when I say I can float I mean I need a floaty thingy to do the dead man float. Floating on my back, no way in hell that I'm doing that without someone holding me up, even though I don't really need them to hold me but my crazy brain says, "AHHHHHHHHHHH". Then I feel like I'm going to drown and I start flailing around like a fish out of water. Irony? I have been practicing on my own but I'm not going to lie, I am not enjoying something that could be a vital skill for my survival. You know because climate change and the poles melting and all. True story, oceans are rising and climate change is real. Science aside, I thought it might be fun to be able to hang out in the water with friends during the summer, instead of on the side of the pool eying the water with great caution and my friends with envy. I have had 2 lessons, this Sunday is the 3rd and last lesson. I think I may have to pay for several more lessons.

How I feel.

When I first signed up for my lessons I forgot to specify male/female instructor preference. I ended up with a male instructor. Men who stumble upon this post - some females also - will think, so what? Let me tell you what. For women it can be uncomfortable and a little scary to be in a position where a man has control over our ability to breathe, whole drowning thing. Also, we all know I have issues with how I perceive my weight and body, if you didn't know now you do. These are things many women think and feel on a daily basis. Do I want a random male stranger touching me in a what I consider a very intimate manner? Remember you are in a bathing suit and are being touched by a man you don't know and have body issues. How would you feel? Even if you don't have body issues, women are taught from a young age to be wary and careful with men because as the media likes to point out they are all animals with no self control and may at any point in time assault you for no logical reason. School dress codes enforce rules for young girls so they don't tempt boys into assault. We are taught to walk in groups at night because a woman walking alone at night is worthy of assault. What does all this have to do with swimming? I was a little uncomfortable at first with the idea of a male instructor. I am glad I didn't change my instructor because he has been great and very patient! This is not a "see-not-all-men-are-animals-without-any-self-control" post, no this a feminist rant about how we need to teach our children to learn to trust each other, male or female.  Feminism, good for everyone not just the body
.

Back to the point and the lessons learned here. I have a deep-seated fear of water. I need to let go of my fear of having my body judged by others - male or female. Also that it's a little embarrassing when the 4 year old swims past me. 

Grey Clouds Are Here to Stay

Okay, maybe a slight exaggeration. It's just that these clouds do not want to move on, they're ruining Mexico's coast, drowning El Paso, and over all causing great sadness in my life. The first 2 or 3 days everyone was saying, "WOW! Rain we love you!", now we're all saying, "OK WTF?!". We are so blue, I'm not kidding everyone in the department today was either having a bad day or feeling down in the dumps. We had a storm on Wednesday that was harsh! It rained so hard that we couldn't see across the street. This is an image from that day. I had to document the day because no one would believe that TX has days like this, at least not on the South Plains.

This week has been pretty blah due to the weather, haven't felt too productive due to the weather. Recently celebrated my Abuelita's birthday and it was awesome; being at her house and just being with my loved ones was regenerative. I hadn't been home in quite some time, it was nice to be with people that you love especially in a place that represents so much. My childhood was lived there in that house, I have lived and learned much at my grandmother's home. That is a true home. I miss her just writing about this, hopefully I'll be spending a lot more time there in the future. I had forgotten why I tried to spend every single weekend and vacation day at that house. It was fun, safe, and loving, providing the perfect environment for a child. Oh and it wasn't grey skies nor was it cold - it was perfect. Missing the sunny skies of El Paso.

Alright it was a little cloudy.

Updates and Such

There's been a lot going on lately in my life and I have been trying to write a post for the past 2 weeks. The rate was pretty slow, I mean it was like 2 letters a day for half of the previous sentence!

Updates? Many!

Well I have kept the gym thing going, even when I have to go at it alone. The new semester has begun and so have the new spin classes. Monday mornings at 630, the instructor isn't bad looking and his style is very interactive. He is not constantly on the bike but instead walking around and making sure everybody has good form, I enjoyed the class. I like order and structure, hence the science. Friday mornings - again 630 - a friend and I do Zumba. Love that class! The other days my friend and I drag ourselves to the gym and do a little cardio (I don't try too hard at this) and then lift some weights (I try harder at this).

This month I haven't truly volunteered because I slacked it at work during the summer and am now trying to meet a deadline. It's not that I'll lose my job but I would like to meet the deadline because it implies my travelling :) Who wants to pass up a chance to travel? For free? Yeah I thought so. Otherwise work is pretty awesome, crystallizing stuff and learning new techniques. You know, owning the science. Yup.

Available here.

I know life sounds amazing but other areas aren't perfect. Ask me if there's any time leftover to go out and meet someone? Nope. None. No one in the life. No time in the life. The yard is a mess. Both front and back. My house is disgustingly disorganized. I have not been to my knitting group in forever. There's a lot of stuff that has been ignored in my personal life. Not everything is peachy but I guess that's how it goes. Some things are great, others are definitely not great. Worst part is I think we've entered an early Fall. Yes temperatures dropped this week and I have a gut feeling they will not pick up again. I know it's September but usually we have a very warm start to Fall. Well I guess I need to dig out some sweaters some time soon. I apologize to the reader's who live in the North, I know that 24C (75F) is not freezing but you aren't from the desert. We like warm weather. I mean really like it. One day of grey weather and we wonder how more northern people don't cry all of the time.

Well I hope you all have a wonderful weekend! I will be spending some time in my beloved desert and will warm up - hopefully. 

Silly Games and Inspiration

Writing has been a little difficult lately, not much inspiration. Life has been mainly work, volunteer, and looking out the window to check on a dog I no longer have. I've been thinking of adopting a pet but I don't think I will, not for quite some time. Not ready.

Otherwise, the summer has flown by. Summer is never the same length as that stated on the calendar. For me summer begins at the end or mid-April. Sounds silly but when you live in TX, it sometimes feels like summer begins extremely early and ends quite late in the year. At least in El Paso, I remember thinking it was hot in April and hot in October. Yes, when you're ankle deep in leaves or snow, TX is still wearing their summer clothing. In some areas it means Uggs year round. Especially if they have a university, very fashion forward peoples.

Speaking of fashion forward peoples, the students have returned to LBB - the canadian geese are not far behind. Thankfully the roosting ground near my house is being developed and they are starting to shift away from my house. Their infernal honking can carry for miles but at least it won't feel like they're outside my window. This also means that the gym will now be populated by many young girls looking for mates and young men scavenging like the hormonal crazies they are. It's always funny to watch them, sometimes I narrate their habits in my head, reminds me of that scene at the watering hole in Mean Girls. :) It's pretty funny. 

Well, that felt a little mean but pretty accurate. On the entertainment front - to move away from the mean factor - watched Lucy and Guardians of the Galaxy! Philosophical tripe and surprisingly funny & entertaining, respectively. Lucy tried too hard at the science and missed the mark, thus they compensated with philosophy. Guardians was surprisingly good, funny without the slap stick humor, and fun. You left the theater happy! Lucy, you left the theater having rolled your eyes so far back, you saw your brain.

Well everyone, have a great week! But none for you Gretchen Weiners.

Contradicting Views

Today while driving into work I was thinking of all the things I want to do in my front yard, in the back yard, inside the house, etc. Then it hit me, I don't plan on living in that house forever and I won't always have that decor/landscape. I will invest all of this time and effort into something that I will not enjoy for the rest of my life. Then I thought why don't I just stay there for my future family? That led to the thought but I want to live abroad or just move somewhere else, not because where I am is hell (some days close enough) but because I like change. Change is good. Change is something that I have always thought of as being a part of my life.

At this point I'm almost at work and the thought that came next was - why? Why do I need to move? Why do I need change so much? Why do I crave change in my life? As I pulled into the parking lot my conclusion was as follows. I have been taught by the media, books, and my father that moving is necessary, that it is what you should want. My father finds it difficult to settle down. It's a miracle he didn't move us while I was in HS. Eventually he did move and my mom followed suit. All of the heroines in literature had to leave to find their future or their love or their passions. Rarely does a novel character stay in their hometown, they may come back but they always have to leave. Media? How many shows base their premise on the characters moving?  Many. New characters are always moving in from small towns. Obviously big city life is way more exciting and fun.

The conclusions were only about the cause for my need to move. Now I need to find a solution to my desire to move and a decision about whether I truly believe the grass is greener somewhere else. I live 5 minutes from work, it took me 5 minutes to have an existential crisis. I need to stop listening to NPR.