My Sunshine

Well, hello everyone. I have been writing a little more consistently and I'm glad, writing always makes me feel better. With that in mind, I have some sad news.

Marshmallow 2004 - 2014

My Marshmallow passed away. On Monday she passed in her sleep. We went down to Carlsbad and my sister was going to take her in for euthanization because it was that time but she decided to go on her own terms. I do not think she suffered greatly, my Mother spent the whole day with her and said that she had breakfast but her auto-immune disease had returned. I knew it was a matter of time before that caught up to us. I felt like a coward for having my sister do it but I would start crying each time I even thought of that moment. However, I'm glad she went on her own terms. My brain still thinks of her as being at home, yesterday I thought to myself, "I wonder if she finished her water" and then it hit me she wasn't there anymore. Since I found out she passed in her sleep I have used every euphemism for death possible but I haven't said it, written it, or honestly thought it - Marshmallow died. I think everyone avoids that phrase until they're ready to admit it to themselves. For weeks now I have been spoiling her and just trying to avoid thinking or seeing what was about to happen. I couldn't imagine my life without her, I still can't. In the past few days I find myself thinking of things for her, checking on her, of seeing her very mischievous face in the mornings. Eventually I will be OK but for now I'm pretty sad and I miss her a lot. There are things that keep me occupied but my brain/heart aren't really present. I think I'll just be sad for a while.

One funny story about her. She learned Spanish as her first language so she would only listen to me if I was speaking in Spanish. English? What? Are you crazy?!

When I would wake up in the mornings my greeting to Marshmallow was singing this song to her, well parts of it. Only sometimes I would say Sunshine instead because she was blonde