Center of Universe Found!

I think that a lot of my lacklustre thoughts about this year have to do a lot with things that I stopped doing. 

• I stopped writing in my journal.
• I write poetry sometimes, I stopped. It was a great outlet, if dramatic.
• I focused on the defects or imperfections and instead of appreciating them, I vilified them. 
• I stopped writing blog posts, though more difficult to find ideas for posts recently I think it is because I do not have a direction for this blog. I need direction (understatement of the century).
• I stopped sharing with my loved ones when I was feeling down, stiff upper lip and all that. I'm not British, I need to express myself.
• I was extremely Me-centric. When we only have ourselves to focus on it really brings out your flaws. I envy parents, the focus they have on their children, it may be stressful at times but at least it takes the spotlight off of the I.

Perhaps this coming year needs to be less me-centric but something else. I still haven't figured the what else but I have time, I think. Let's see what I come up with this year. 

Yearly Recap

Lets go through a recap of the year - it was amazingly unsatisfying. At least it feels like that, although I completed quite a few of my goals this year - for the most part. This year was a year of action and the action left me feeling as if I were falling short of an ideal that I set for myself. Goals, a double edged knife. Perhaps it was because in retrospect most of my goals were very shallow and lacked depth.

I'll go through each one.

1. The first goal from last year was good for a few months and then I was less vigilant. I let my thoughts slide and that led me down a rather dark path. I'm not saying I did anything bad but overall my attitude did change. I became more sullen, tended to obsess on the negative and avoided activities that I usually really enjoy. I need to address this in 2016 because I think this could develop into something unpleasant and by that I mean depression. It's almost a cycle that I have every 3 years or so, looking over my blog and my journal I can see the pattern.
2. I did not in fact practice the piano but I still want to, so I will attempt this again.
3. The garden has actually moved along nicely, it will be an evolving thing though because I really enjoy gardening. Next year will include new plans for some of it but it was a good thing this year.
4. I am still working on Duolingo and my Italian but I am not as fast as I want. I have improved and hopefully one day I get to go to Italy again and try it out! The French I did not try honestly because I want to focus on a language at a time.
5. I did not eliminate the fast food but I'm trying, I will not lose hope!
6. Relating to #1, this suffered. I had the lists, most of the material but no desire. Maybe next year.
7. We all know this I accomplished! Most days I see it and still think WOW! Other days I hope I'm not refused at the pearly gates, the Christian upbringing judges me some. I'm still happy with it and I still love it but like I said I've been a little judgy of myself this year.

As you can see #1 really cast a shadow on the rest of the year. I feel a little down even now but I blame fall and winter; the no sun thing. We'll see how I plan 2016 out...

November Blooms

Gardening has become a bit of an obsession for me of late. Obviously as many of my posts this year have involved my garden. My kryptonite? Clearance plants at Lowe's and Home Depot. Yes you read that right - clearance plants. They are awesome! If you don't mind waiting a little bit later in the season those are the best buys. You can't always find great selections but sometimes you hit the jackpot with those plants. Recently I bought 3 plants for a dollar each, $3 for large perennials! Earlier in the summer I bought some portulaca (aka Amor) for $0.65, yeah. That one is absolutely beautiful too. Everytime I go I have to look at their clearance section. Have. To. Yeah I have become obsessed.
Obsession seems to be a repeating theme for me, from knitting to gardening to partying to building. I feel I fall into an obsessive activity easily, mind you obsessive not addictive. The only addiction I had recently was Candy Crush and I have given that up! It was hard the first 2 weeks but it that too has passed.

Of course, gardening is just one more thing to fill up the days with and to the point of this post - I want to change the course of my goal making. I want to be able to make deeper commitments to life and myself. These past few years (or decade) my goals have been short-term and a bit shallow. I know it's only November but seriously 2016 is only 2 months away. I think this year I'm giving this whole goal thing a thorough analysis and be careful of what direction I need. Any suggestions?


And yes my garden is still blooming in November. I have new flowers almost every day!

Setting Summer Sun

OK a dry well here of late but I'm back!

Actually I've had quite an exciting month or little more. At the end of August I won tickets to an ACLTV concert for one of the guys from the Eagles and then about 2 weeks ago I won tickets again to Alabama Shakes! Yeah I know right?! Well I didn't go to the first concert because my concert buddy was out of town and part of the reason I actually go to the concerts is so I get to visit her and her family. Mind you in my 20's I would have probably just gone on my own but age has made me realize that the Eiffel Tower is prettier with a friend. Yup good times :) I also got to meet her son for the first time and he is adorable! The sweetest smile you have ever seen and quite the charmer. It was a really good weekend but that was almost 3 weeks ago!

Since then it's been work, work, work, and sister, sister, sister. Yes I may have a case of sisteritis, spending all of my free time at her house because now my sister lives less than 5 minutes away. I could walk to her house - could, not will. However, I can't even complain about work because it has really been good lately, lots of good results and progress. I haven't had much time to be introspective or look for issues to solve in the personal realm. Obviously I have no dating life and Match.com was a complete bust, so I say with complete confidence romantic relationships are now off the table. Obviously it's not going to happen thus I will employ my time and mind in the pursuit of something equally entertaining. I will let you know when I figure that part out myself. Maybe I'll be better at blogging if I stop thinking about romance? Maybe.

Well other than that life has been hectic with work, family moving closer, friends, and obviously random ticket wins like the past month! Life has been good, over all a good way to close down the summer.  I hope everyone has had a good time of late. A bit of the Alabama Shakes for your enjoyment, who knows you might like their music :)

Buff & Fluff

My makeup application ability

Girly girls!!! I am not one of them. I have recently become interested in makeup and its application but I don't think I could do it. It is crazy complicated. I mean seriously there is way too much work that goes into putting on makeup and doing a "full" face. I don't think I can master this one skill, I really should have started in my teens if I wanted this particular skill. The extent of my skills is slathering on some tinted moisturizer, try blush (followed by trying to rub it off), and some eyeshadow with eyeliner. That alone sounds complicated. Oh and I can do mascara, when I remember - I didn't remember today.

It is also expensive. Extremely. Expensive. Seriously. Mind you most of the people that do tutorials online have products provided when they endorse that product or are given free samples for them to highlight. Of course that can always backfire because they can get a negative review for their product. I am not too envious because quite honestly I do not have the time to dedicate to makeup that these ladies do but I would love to know how to apply makeup for certain occasions. In the coming days I might put up some pics because I'm trying a little harder in the mornings. I put in a video that shows a now mirror challenge and it is fun because she looks way better than I do when I use several mirrors. You don't have to watch it all you can just skip to the end, I did. Mind you this young lady has beautiful young (emphasis on young) skin, now if I could just find an older woman who has my laugh lines to show me how to apply makeup to my no longer as young skin :)

Just a bit of fluff today but hope everyone has a good week!

Old Stones

What kind of person do you think you are? Are you kind? Understanding? Empathetic? Negative? Positive? Dramatic? Plain-Jane?

Today I had a situation that I could have handled better, instead I let my quick temper get the better of me. I should know better by now but I guess like everyone we let it slip once in awhile. When someone asks you to quit doing something it's annoying, to say the least. It calls to attention a behaviour you thought was appropriate but is bothersome to another, that implies you are bothersome to that person. When in reality they may have a headache, your behaviour reminds them of something negative, or they simply cannot deal with it because they are busy and focused. However, when does it become your duty to bend to another's will or is it a compromise? Are you the one giving something up for the selfish pleasure of another or are you really just maintaining a cordial environment with the other person? Obviously being in close quarters with anyone makes it an excellent opportunity to create problems or lose it over something stupid. Today I reacted and caused a problem that didn't exist, and I'm sure the other person didn't even realize that is how I felt. Why? Simply put it really wasn't a big deal but some life experiences have made me doubt myself and my ability to have cordial relationships. Simple things to remember (that I seem to forget, blame the age):

1. Other people have opinions that you may not agree with, deal with it.
2. Close quarters are not bad, but you do need to be conscious that you are not the center of the universe (that bit is for me). Act like someone SHARING space, not someone controlling that space.
3. Understand that what works for you does not necessarily work for others. If you need to click pens to concentrate/think, it does not mean your neighbor does. That's an example, no one does that in my workplace, however applicable to any situation.
4. It also means that you have the right to speak up when someone else is creating an environment that is disruptive to you. 
5. Learn to let it go because at the end of the day the only person who obsessed for those 15 minutes about the gall of your friend/neighbor was you, because they sure as hell did not.
6. Your past is not an issue for others, only for you. Do not expect for others to treat you like those in your past. Do learn how to recognize the negative of the past in your present and learn to not let it hurt you like in the past. Move forward.

There's a saying in Spanish, "No te trompiezes con la misma piedra." Translation: Don't trip over the same stone twice. Today a simple request from a friend, called to mind the demands of a very nasty person from my past and I reacted as if I was talking to that person. The past is the past, we should learn, not repeat. Today I was the negative person but I swear that I try really hard on a daily basis to be positive, some days it just comes easier than other days. Lately though I've been letting the negativity get to me more than I should. Man this whole life thing is a lot of work, if I didn't enjoy breathing so much I would totally quit.